It is all an act, this suffering writer routine. I should be gregarious and carefree. I grow tired of writing poems. I am no poet. I should be gregarious and carefree and fearful of pens. True zest in life comes in the living of it, not the writing about it. When I am talkative and friendly I feel my charisma and love of life increase. I am too cautious. Writing is a way of hiding. I need to be out there more. I need to take up a hobby like scuba diving without a flashlight through shipwrecks. I need to talk about my neighbors with other neighbors and laugh and feel good about myself. Gossip is the life-blood of our species. I fear my life is not being fully lived due to my cautious nature. Why hide anything? Why hold back? I used to think that being secretive had a certain charm, mystery, and charisma about it, like I was Grasshopper or Clint Eastwood. Hah! I belong on a reality TV show. I want a camera in front of my face so I can demonstrate how rational I am and elucidate how everyone else aggravates and infuriates me, all while sitting on a couch. Well, come on, I'm not being fair. Sometimes they're nice to each other. They come to realizations and understandings. I've even cried on occasion! The point is nothing is held back. They talk about everything with anyone. They show anything to anyone. That will be the new me. My own reality TV show. Richard Unleashed.